Delivered. Kid, Ouissem Belgacem had two dreams. Become a professional and heterosexual footballer. Now an adult, he has not achieved any. Goodbye my shame outlines his sinuous journey and a final success as laborious as it is painful: to come to terms with his homosexuality. The story of “This inner chaos” offers a rare journey into the mind of a gay footballer.
The title of the book, “Ending Homophobia in Football”, could be misleading. The round ball does not have the monopoly of intolerance. Ouissem Belgacem is well placed to know it: the codes of Islam, the family religion, and those of the city, where he grew up, can be just as burdensome. But this subtitle sheds light on a still current reality: in men’s football, homosexuality remains the ultimate taboo. In France, only one professional player, Olivier Rouyer, came out in 2008. Twenty years after the end of his career.
Twenty years is also the time during which Ouissem Belgacem lied. An eternity of silences, the time of shame. He was born in the suburbs of Aix-en-Provence, in 1988. Of Tunisian parents, he was the last of the siblings, after four sisters. In the city of Beisson, marked by “Permanent clashes between Arabs and settled gypsies”, boys learn the codes of old-fashioned solidarity and virility. Soon enough, Ouissem is “Persuaded to have a straight soul in a gay body”. He behaves like a macho. Like many others, he dreams of earning a living playing soccer.
Rough defender, he has talent. After shining in local clubs, he was spotted, at 13, by the Toulouse Football Club (TFC) training center. Pride of the neighborhood, career dreams. In the city, Ouissem hardened his shell. Even if he wonders about his sexuality, he knows, with his tough looks, deflecting suspicion on the outskirts of the field.
“Of course, when I am treated as a queer, it turns my stomach upside down, but my experience in the city has taught me to react: always with humor, like a straight guy who is being thrown around like any empty insult. meaning. “
Dispel any suspicions
In Toulouse, Ouissem climbs the categories, rubs shoulders with players who will have golden trajectories, like Moussa Sissoko, future world champion. He signs a contract as an aspiring pro. But the questions get nagging in the teenager’s head.
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